Remnants
by oliviakate55
Summary: Post Countdown (3x17) story that wouldn't leave me alone. Kate's realization that nothing in life is guaranteed comes on the heels of the dirty bomb case. Unfortunately, Josh does not share her renewed fervor to regain control of her life and her choices. Castle proves loyal as always.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Not my first fic but my first one written for Castle. Be gentle. We are a mighty and kind of crazy intimidating fandom. Have fun. I don't own these characters but thank you Terri and Andrew for letting me play with them for a little while.**

**Starts with dialogue directly from Countdown (3X17) but diverts quickly after that. **

**Thank you for reading!**

* * *

"...he looked at me, grabbed all of the wires and just _yanked_ them!"

Rick stared at her, forever amazed how she could manage to bring such beauty to the terrible case they had just closed simply by smiling through the retelling. Her laugh echoed through the conference room, breaking through the severity of the past few hours and providing her coworkers with an opportunity to breathe just a bit.

"All of them?" Ryan asked, turning towards Castle and failing miserably at hiding the boyish, superhero style admiration on his face.

"I figured one of them had to be the right one." Castle answered. He was beginning to feel the weight of the day on his shoulders but kept his tone light for the sake of the group.

They were both holding up well or at least pretending to. Looking into Kate's eyes, affirming that he knew exactly how lucky he was, they were, he could still see the chill from the freezer and the sheer desperation of the situation reflected back at him. She wasn't okay, wasn't remotely okay, but with her "Detective Beckett" mask still firmly in place, he was sure he was the only one who could see that.

She seemed relieved when Fallon interrupted and asked to speak with them. With the spotlight off of her for a moment, Castle saw her shoulders shrink under the weight of the day.

She stayed close to him while they spoke, taking comfort from the solid frame of his body or maybe it was the heat, or maybe he was imagining it; but even as he turned back to her after calling some inane joke after the departing Special Agent, she somehow seemed closer than she had been even a few seconds before.

"Hell of a day, huh?" He offered, approaching the subject of their near death with his trademark levity so as to not drive her back inside herself.

"Hell of a day." She replied.

Kate's eyes held a careful expectancy when she met his gaze and God he could fall in love with her all over again with the soft way that her lips curved upwards in a gentle smile. Maybe the past few days had opened her up a bit, knocked down another piece of that wall she so desperately clung to during cases like this.

Not that they had really ever had a case like this.

Whatever the reason for her sudden warmth, Castle was sure she needed a break and was more than ready to offer her an excuse to get out of the precinct and into his home for dinner.

Martha and Alexis were still in the Hamptons. They would have the loft to themselves and he certainly did not want to be alone to keep off the nagging chill by himself. No, a hot meal and a warm blanket were just what the doctor ordered but the invitation clung to his lips as he watched Dr. Motorcycle Boy approach from behind Kate.

And just for a moment, he had forgotten about him. Just for a moment, it had been just Kate and him and the world they had conquered together. Josh had certainly not played a role in the comfort food and movies he had all but planned out in his head for him and Kate. But, as always, he did the gracious thing. He stepped back physically and emotionally from the situation.

Kate felt his distance acutely as soon as shut down on her mid-sentence though the realization of why took her a few moments longer to figure out. Was a bad sign that she had completely forgotten about Josh? Why was he even here?

She went willingly into Josh's arms but kept her eyes trained on Castle as he sunk against the back wall of the elevator. His physicality had completely changed. His body was heavy, angry maybe? Definitely sad and she hated that she was the cause of that.

Watching him walk away today was almost more painful than watching him walk away with Gina last summer. But this time she was the cause of their ridiculous separation. And why was that again? Because she was with Josh? Had she ever really been with Josh in more than just a physical sense? The thought made her sick to her stomach. She wasn't just lying to herself and to Castle anymore. Now she had brought a completely innocent party into their back and forth, will they, won't they charade.

And wait, did he smell like alcohol? Had Josh been day drinking while she and Castle had almost literally died trying to save him and half of New York City? Resentment flared within her chest but she tempered it down.

Shit.

It wasn't fair and it wasn't right but she had to end this before it got worse. Before she actually started to hate him, his motorcycle, and the chaotic, one foot in, one foot out lifestyle he stood for in her world.

* * *

Kate stepped out of the elevator a few steps ahead of Josh. She wanted this done but wouldn't cause a scene in the precinct. No, she could spare him that at least. The cold air sent unnecessary chills through her body and straight to her bones. She wondered if Castle had found a way to warm himself up. He was probably cooking or watching Star Wars for the 900th time under some ridiculously heavy down blankets.

Kate rolled her eyes and smiled at the thought. He was still such a little kid and that was so refreshing to her, not that she would readily admit that yet.

"Your place or mine?" Josh asked, slipping up behind Kate and wrapping his hands ungracefully around her waist.

Tequila. He had definitely been drinking tequila. Cheap, rubbing alcohol quality too if she had to guess.

"Mine is closer." She answered, unaware that he took her answer for an eagerness hop into bed with him.

Kate's mind could not have been further from that scenario. She simply wanted this breakup to happen on her territory and as soon as possible.

Josh pressed into her as soon as the cabbie took off into the Manhattan chaos. His hand skirted her thigh insistently and she swatted him away again and again until he changed positions in favor of sliding his hands up her sapphire blue turtleneck.

"Josh." She hissed, frustrated and more than a little pissed off as she pushed his chest away. "Cut it out."

"Fine, fine." He said, holding his hands up in surrender. "We can wait until we get inside."

She sank back in the seat, skin prickling with disgust and closed her eyes for the duration of the ride.

Kate hopped out of the cab as soon as the taxi slowed enough. Josh held the door to her apartment building open for her and kept his hand planted on her waist as the moved through the lobby. His steps were slightly uneven and now that Kate was hyper aware of his potential inebriation, she noted each time he swayed into her just a little too hard.

Checking her father's watch, Kate noted that only 45 minutes had passed since she had left the precinct. Maybe she could catch Castle before his exhaustion caught the better of him once she and Josh were finished talking. She was concerned, so concerned, about how he was handling the events of the past few days. The worry over the safety of his daughter and mother, the very real threat to his life, she knew these things would take a serious toll on him. Sometimes, his facades were even more opaque than hers were. She knew he wouldn't have wanted to her to see him vulnerable anymore than she wanted him to see her fear. She also knew that as soon as his loft door closed behind him, that mask would disintegrate.

She wanted to be there to pick up the pieces with him.

She wanted Castle to be the one to comfort her when the chill crept back into her bones tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I apologize for the delay. I've had the flu for the past few days and just now was able to edit this chapter. I would gush over last night's episode and Kate's insane awesomeness but I don't want to spoil anything for those of you who haven't seen it. Watch it. Now. After you read this chapter, of course. :-)**

* * *

The elevator doors opened and Kate, who had spent the ride lost in thought, stepped out, completely ignoring Josh and the sudden sluggish and heavy nature of his movements. When she turned to check that he was following, he had two fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose. Wrinkles creased his forehead and she knew he was beginning to feel the effects of the cheap booze. This conversation might not go as planned if he's feeling terrible.

Kate shook her head at the situation in which she had found herself. Strengthening her resolve, she pushed open her front door and deposited her coat on the kitchen counter and placing her gun in the drawer beside her bed before returning to the kitchen and reaching into her fridge for a bottle of water. She thrust the bottle in Josh's direction as he closed the door behind him.

"Here. Might help with the hangover." She said curtly.

He stared at her unblinking. Was she mad? He couldn't tell. But her lips had all but disappeared in frustration so yeah, she was definitely not happy.

"Hangover?" He asked, incredulous.

"Don't, Josh. You've been drinking. Cheap tequila if I had to guess. I'm not in the mood for you to get sick all over my apartment so drink up."

"What's your problem, Kate?" Josh asked, voice rising with each word.

"Problem?"

_Here we go. _She thought just as her phone buzzed in her pocket.

"Don't answer that." Josh sneered.

Kate took the phone from her pocket. Of course it was Castle. Why would it be anyone else?

Josh lunged forward, trying to take the phone from her quite suddenly just as Kate went to press the "ignore" button and sent it clattering to the floor.

"What the hell, Josh!" Kate gasped, stepping back from the edge of the counter.

"I don't want you talking to him. You're supposed to be with me!"

Josh was seething. Maybe it was the alcohol or his missed trip to Haiti, or a combination of all the frustrations he had felt over the last few months with Kate but he was a level of angry he hadn't reached in a long time.

"Calm down." She said, recognizing the bulging veins in his neck as a signal that things had begun to escalate beyond her control. "Can we just talk about this right now?"

"Sure Kate." Josh hissed through clenched jaw. "Talk. Talk about how you would rather be with him right now. Go on, give me some lame excuse why we just can't have sex tonight...again. What? You're tired? Tough case? Fuck that. Those are excuses and you know it. I have a tough job too don't forget."

Kate inhaled sharply, preparing for battle when he spoke again.

"No, instead, why don't you tell me about all the nights you haven't called lately or all those canceled dates. Where have you been, Kate? Sleeping with Writer Boy?"

"Don't you dare accuse me of that you son of a bitch." Kate tone was deadly and even, refusing to give in to the escalation of the argument, especially with only the kitchen counter to play mediator between them.

She had never seen this side of him before and was taken aback to witness it.

"Or you could tell me about your mom again. Weave me some sob story and expect me to take pity on you when all you do is use her case as an excuse to not to spend time with me."

"Leave her out of this, Josh."

"Oh, but what? I can bring Castle into this without complaint? Guess I know the answer to my question."

Kate clenched her fists at her side, struggling to keep composure. He was drunk, that much was clear but cruel and inebriated did not need to go hand in hand. She was far too tired for his shit tonight. She had been so afraid of hurting him but that clearly was not a concern he shared for her.

"Josh, you need to leave. We're done, over, now get out." Kate said her words slowly, pointing towards the door, face grave and eyes piercing.

Josh approached her slowly with a stare that made Kate want to slink backwards. She refused to give him that satisfaction.

He grabbed her suddenly and slammed her against the refrigerator, broad hand spanning the width of her neck with ease. She cried out as her head hit the cool metal and gasped as he pressed his hand further into her neck, restricting her air supply and causing her to grasp unsuccessfully at his hands in an attempt to free herself.

"What's the matter, Kate? Out of excuses?"

Her elbow connected sharply with his ribs as her knee came up and slammed into his gut. He released her immediately and stumbled backwards.

"Get out." She hissed, clearly much more capable of defending herself than Josh realized.

"You're not breaking up with me, Kate. I'm leaving you." He spat, grabbing his coat and storming out of the door.

Kate pushed the deadbolt into place, hands shaking violently with adrenaline. She collapsed against the back of the door and rested her head against the wood.

She slowly pulled off her heeled boots and tossed them to the side and out of the way. Exhaustion swept over her like a wave and suddenly, it was all she could do to get to the bathroom and into the shower.

The warm water settled her nerves some but the persistent chill that had wrapped itself around her was ever present, even as she slipped into a pair of leggings and oversized sweatshirt. Kate collapsed on the bed and pulled the covers around her, far too tired to process the events of the last few moments, let alone the last few days. Sleep pulled her under quickly and soon she was lost in a world of ice and bombs and Castle and missed opportunities.

* * *

Rick Castle didn't pout. Okay, maybe he did and maybe he actually excelled at it but right now he was feeling far too sorry for himself to recognize the predictable pattern he had slipped into. Glass of aged scotch in one hand and the remote in the other, he stretched his legs out and flipped on his second movie of the evening. He could all but quote Return of the Jedi verbatim and it's familiarity soothed him.

Tossing the remote to the side and glancing down at his phone for the 900th time that evening. If she was going to call him back, she would have done so already. Apparently, Josh was taking up all of her time and energy. Castle shivered with disgust at that thought and quickly redirected his attention back to the opening scrolling plot introduction and familiar music on his television.

A half hour later, Castle was effectively in a Star Wars induced coma, head hitting the back of the couch every so often as he struggled to keep himself awake enough to get through the movie. His phone sounded suddenly, cutting through the dialogue and hitting him like a splash of cold water.

Castle fumbled and nearly dropped his phone in his rush but took a deep and calming breath when he realized it was a number unknown to him. He swiped to answer the call.

"Castle." He answered, voice ragged and annoyed.

"Let me talk to Kate, Castle."

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon, she came running to you. Don't lie to me."

"Josh?"

"Perceptive."

"What are you talking about? Is Kate okay?" Castle was on his feet and pulling his coat on before Josh could answer.

Josh laughed, his voice cold. "Okay?! She's fuckin' fine, Writer Boy. You should be asking about me! She's a feisty one, Castle. You sure you can handle her?"

"Josh, what the hell is going on?!" He was halfway through the lobby and already signaling for the doorman to get him a cab.

But there was no answer and Castle's phone flashed that Josh had ended the call.

Hopping into the cab he rattled off Kate's address at lightning speed. His knee bounced on its own accord as the cab wound it's way through city traffic. He scanned the sidewalk outside her building as the car pulled up to the curb and hopped out as he threw a fist of uncounted bills towards the driver. Castle sprinted up the front steps and hit her buzzer with a fumbling and unintentional force.

The door clicked open by happenstance as someone pushed through from the lobby on his way out and Castle slid in just as the door closed.

Inside, Kate had stirred slightly hearing the buzzer but was semi-conscious at most and well on her way back to sleep when Castle's heavy handed knocking dragged her back to reality.

"Kate!" He called, voice frantic and hoarse.

She slowly pulled her lead-like limbs out of bed and wrapped a robe around her to stave off the cold before pulling the door open.

"Castle?" She asked, pushing the door open wider so that he could slip in.

"Are you alright?" He asked, grasping her shoulders lightly, eyes frantically searching hers for any sign of discomfort or pain.

His gaze traveled the length of her body, checking for injury until they settled on her neck which had begun to darken with a row of purple and blue bruises.

Without thinking, Castle brought his fingertips gently to her throat. Kate's breath hitched but she made no move to step away, a detail that Castle did not fail to notice. He moved his hand to lightly cup the back of her neck and trailed his thumb up and down her skin. Kate's eyes fluttered closed briefly before she caught herself and stepped back, lungs tight and breath ragged.

"I-I'm fine, Castle." She whispered, eyes cast downward.

Feeling brave, Castle brushed his fingers down her arm and linked them with hers. He tugged lightly and led her to her couch.

"What happened?" He asked as she settled herself at a comfortable distance from him against the armrest.

"He got rough. Wasn't anything I couldn't handle. We're done, obviously." She said, meeting his gaze and sitting up a little straighter.

"Kate…"

"I'm fine, Castle." She answered, cutting him off mid-worry. "Really."

Kate held up a hand indicating that the conversation was over.

Castle visibly relaxed but his eyes kept flicking down to her neck. He tried, really he did because she obviously didn't want to discuss it further but he just couldn't help himself and the question tumbled out of his lips before he could reel it back in.

"How could he possibly think he could get away with laying a hand on you, Kate? Is he insane?"

A gentle laugh tumbled out of her mouth unchecked and she tilted her head down embarrassed.

"He had been drinking and I was trying to break up with him. Apparently, that was a bad combination."

If Castle was at all surprised by this revelation, he hid it well.

"I thought he was drunk when he called…" The writer mused.

"Wait." Kate's head snapped back up. "He called you? How did he even have your number?"

"Not a clue but yes, he called. Asked for you and then told me how 'injured' he was. Nicely done, by the way."

"I was only defending myself. Probably shouldn't joke about assault." She said, her voice edging on a warning tone but still holding a level of amusement.

"I know, I know. Are you going to press charges?"

"No. He's gone, that's all that matters." She answered, stifling a yawn in the process.

Taking that as his cue, Castle stood and offered his hand to her. She hesitatingly accepted and let him pull her up from the couch.

"I should let you get back to sleep, Kate. Unless you want me to stay incase he comes back?" He said, voice low.

"No, no. It's okay, Castle." She said just a little too quickly.

And suddenly, she didn't want him to go. Suddenly, it was all she could do to rein herself in and maintain some decorum.

"How are you?" She asked, pulling him back towards her slightly.

Castle tilted his head before looking down at their still joined hands. Kate dropped hers immediately and pulled her arms across her chest.

"I'm fine. Trying to take my mind off of everything but not even a Star Wars marathon is helping. Can't seem to shake the chill."

"Hmm." She nodded. "Me either."

Kate held her breath, waiting for Castle to do something, anything. Her body was practically screaming for him to touch her and he had to see that in her eyes, right?

Castle brought his hand up and cupped her cheek. He rubbed his thumb over her cheekbone lightly and then removed it again. She missed it's warmth instantly and tried to lean into his touch just a second too late.

"Goodnight, Kate." He whispered. "I'm really glad you're okay."

"Night." She responded, voice a hoarse whispered.

"Call me if you need anything." He said as he pulled open her door once more and let himself into the hallway.

"Castle?" Kate called after him, still planted next to her couch.

He turned to face her, hand still on the doorknob.

"Thank you." She said, dipping her head again in a way that made her hair fall infront of her face and drove Castle to distraction. She really had no idea how adorable she was.

"Always." He answered, smiling softly.

She lifted her head at this and pulled her arms tighter around her. She offered him a small smile in return as he shut the door behind him.

Sighing, Kate deadbolted the door again and made her way back to her bedroom knowing that sleep would not come as easily as it had before.


	3. Chapter 3

Kate was back at the precinct the next morning against Montgomery's orders, makeup like warpaint and heels like armor.

The boys had taken their captain up on his suggestion to take a couple days and so the bullpen was very blessedly filled with detectives who were all too happy to ignore her. She completed her paperwork by noon and then stole away to archives to rifle through her mom's case one more time.

The familiarity of the details that plagued the edges of her thoughts was oddly comforting as she spread the files out on her desk. She was soon consumed in thought and conjecture and hypothesis and didn't realize that the afternoon and evening had passed without her attention.

The next few weeks followed in much the same manner. Steely stiletto-and-eyeliner-wearing Detective Beckett was firmly in place during the day while obsessed, driven daughter of a murder victim consumed her nights.

She kept Castle at a distance very intentionally. The confidence and forward motion she had felt towards beginning a relationship with him had faded into the brand new cracks in her ever-present wall. He had seen her at such a vulnerable moment and she had completely shut herself down and shut him out emotionally.

He's been trying so hard too and yes, she noticed, but everything just felt forced. Like the signed Temptation Lane poster...sure, it was sweet and she really loved that he had taken the time to do that but inside she felt like it was out of pity for the poor, vulnerable girl that he had encountered the night she broke up with Josh. If she was going to start a relationship with Richard Castle it was going to be on her terms and not because he thought she was broken.

And then Royce happened.

* * *

She showed up to the crime scene with her lines for Castle and Montgomery already prepared. She knew what they would say to her and she knew exactly how to counter their arguments.

She watched as the two men exchanged nervous glances as she pulled her Charger up to the crime scene. Castle's eyes locked with hers the second she stepped out of the car, causing her to look down to avoid giving too much of her mentally state away.

"Turn around and go home and let me handle this." Montgomery said as she walked towards them.

"Sir, I've seen dead bodies before." She countered, annoyed but rational.

As she anticipated, Castle wasn't convinced. He had taken in her appearance as she stepped out of her car. Hair undone and pulled loosely back into a ponytail, makeup minimal, shoulders hunched. He read her body language as if he was writing her mannerisms himself and so she went with a response that was sure to cut him to the quick when he questioned her.

"Castle, if that was me lying there would you just walk away?"

She knew it was low. knew it was unfair, but so was their questioning of her professionalism. Castle hesitated mid-stride at her words and she knew she had hit him deeply. But she could handle this despite her current tailspin back into her mom's case, despite her current shaky mental state, and despite the fact that she thought she had loved Royce at one point in time. Looking back, it probably hadn't really been more than naive puppy love on her part but that didn't make his death hurt any less.

His eyes were open and somehow, still piercing, causing Kate to quickly look away and deflect her attention to Lanie.

Once she had re-composed herself, she approached Royce again. She bent down and touched his head, images of her mother lying broken and bleeding in an alley swimming through her mind. Castle stood behind her, silent sentinel as always, watching her every move, ready to catch her if she needed him.

When Lanie handed the letter in Royce's scrawled, hurried handwriting, she had all but made up her mind. She would solve this case for Royce because she couldn't solve her mom's.

* * *

And then the trail led to L.A. and Royce had called her out, in front of Castle, no less on being completely devastated. And damn if he wasn't right.

But then Castle was there, completely aware of her intentions and following her anyway. Kate wasn't sure why she had been surprised to find that he was the one that had upgraded her plane ticket to first class but she was immensely glad that he was there, even if she didn't show it.

The hotel was beautiful and Kate was beautiful and the sun made her skin glow in a way he hadn't quite seen in the New York smog and damn if Castle wasn't having a really tough time concentrating on Royce's case. She had shed her jacket as soon as they hand landed, revealing her toned arms and more of her chest then he was otherwise accustomed to seeing. L.A. was good for her. She seemed happier and more together now that they were closely pursuing Royce's killer but she also seemed lighter than he had observed in weeks.

They were honing in on a few very likely suspects and had completely exhausted the day when Castle suggested winding down with a glass of wine back at the hotel.

The ambient glow of the lights made Kate's eyes sparkle as they sat on the couch facing each other. She threaded her fingers through her hair as she listened to Castle expound on his current theory, thankful that he couldn't shut his brain off either. When her thoughts turned to Royce and her complete admiration of him, Castle listened enraptured.

It wasn't necessary, wasn't part of the conversation. Castle didn't need to tell her how much she fascinated him, he did that more or less on a regular basis now. But this time the complete admiration that shone freely in his eyes didn't confuse her or scare her. She felt the same way about him, could echo his words with complete sincerity back at him. He was a complete mystery to her and every effort he put into being by her side was tucked away deep in her heart. She noticed everything he did even if she didn't acknowledge it, and deeply appreciated each gesture.

But she was still so broken and when the conversation halted, when she had said too much, given to deep a glance into her true feelings, she did what she always did. Kate Beckett ran.

Closing the door to her room was as difficult for her to do as it was for Castle to watch. As she composed herself against the cool metal of the door, she saw Royce's letter sitting on the bed. She had folded it up before finishing it and now she went back to it, needing a reminder of why she was sitting in a hotel room alone instead of wrapped in Castle's arms. She folded her leg underneath her and rested her back against the headboard as she unfolded the letter.

_And now to the hard part, kid. It's clear that you and Castle have something real and you're fighting it. But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder "If only…"_

And that was it. That was all he left her. Royce's last message to her was to stop. Stop hiding, stop fighting, stop running. Her hands were shaking as she put the paper down. She glanced towards the door and then back to the letter, "if only" ringing in her head.

Kate was so caught in her own thoughts that she barely noticed her feet carrying her towards the door. She wrenched it open with decided force, praying that Castle had waited her out. It was time. She had never been more sure of anything, insecurities be damned.


	4. Chapter 4

Kate watched as Castle's back disappeared through the door to his hotel room.

_Fuck_. She thought, closing her eyes at her own stupidity and exhaling sharply. Her head hit the front of the door with a thud and she pulled her arms around her.

Gathering herself, she sat down on the couch in the spot she had vacated only moments before and pulled her legs up to her chest. She rested her head against the back cushion and closed her eyes, Royce's letter still clutched firmly into her palm.

"Kate?"

Her eyes flew open.

"You okay?"

Castle had reappeared and was gathering his phone and charger from the bar area, having forgotten it when he returned to his room.

"I - yeah. I'm fine, Castle." She answered on a sigh.

He tilted his head slightly but nodded and turned to return to his room. If she didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to make her.

"Wait...Castle?" She stuttered, wringing her hands slightly and biting her bottom lip.

Why was this so hard? Castle waited patiently, studying her from across the room as she struggled to find the right words.

"Can we talk?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'd like that." He answered, trying to sound calm but she didn't miss the edge of uncertainty in his voice.

Castle sat down and pulled his leg up onto the couch, turning towards her in the process.

Kate was afraid to breathe. Silence stretched out in front of them like a chasm. Castle sat patiently, waiting for her to being before breaking the delicate quiet.

"You seem tired, Kate." He offered, kindly.

She opened her eyes and looked at him cautiously, wondering where he was going with this.

"You've been running non-stop since the dirty bomb case and now Royce...this can't be easy for you."

Kate nodded slowly and opened her mouth to speak but he continued before she could begin.

"I know that you wanted to do this alone but I hope you understand that I just want to help you close this thing, get justice for him…" He trailed off, lost in thought.

Kate let her legs drop down to the floor and she scooted across the couch, gently resting a hand on his leg.

"You're right, I am tired Castle."

He nodded in understanding and placed his hand over hers briefly before offering her a closed mouth smile.

"But this case, this job, isn't why I'm tired." She said, holding his gaze with strong and serious eyes.

Kate's body was sizzling with electric nerves and unspoken emotion.

"I'm not sure I understand." He said, bringing his hand back to hers to encourage her to continue.

"I'm tired because everyday I have to convince myself that I don't feel completely overwhelmed by you."

Castle furrowed his brow in concern and opened his mouth to speak but Kate silenced him with a raised hand.

"I'm overwhelmed by the way you look at me like I'm water in a desert. I'm overwhelmed by pull in my heart when we connect on a theory. I'm overwhelmed by how much I've come to rely on you just being there everyday. It's wearing me out."

"Kate, I'm sorry….I had no idea. I'll go, catch the next flight out…"

Kate smiled then and let a chuckle rise through her causing Castle to stop mid-sentence and look at her with those plaintive, doting eyes.

"Stop, Castle. Just breathe, okay? That's not what I meant."

"Kate, I've gotta tell you, I'm completely lost here."

Kate took a deep breath and steeled herself.

"I don't want to regret my life, Castle. I don't want to have to look back and wonder what would have happened if only I had kissed you every time I wanted to. I don't want to regret not being honest with you about what you mean to me."

Kate pulled her knees underneath her and knelt on the couch beside him.

"I don't know where you stand, Castle, but I don't want to waste another moment without you understanding that I want you, every part of you all to myself for as long as you'll have me."

Kate brought a shaking hand up and traced his cheekbone with her thumb. She brought her forehead to his and placed a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth before pulling away slightly and searching his eyes.

"What do you want, Castle?" She rasped, voice hoarse with uncertainty and emotion.

He brought his hands up to gently frame her face.

"You. Every single extraordinary part of you." He breathed, suddenly canting his body up to hers and capturing her lips in a fierce and passionate kiss.

Kate fell against his chest willingly and moved one leg across his lap so that she had better balance on the couch cushions, careful to avoid brushing against him too intimately. Castle tangled his hands in her hair and pushed her closer to him. She moaned into the kiss, spurring him to break away from her lips and move to her neck so that he could hear every single sound she made.

He nipped and soothed the column of her neck as she arched her back into his ministrations. Her hands mapped his chest, burning through his button down shirt and trailing heat through his abdomen.

Castle moved one hand to the back of her head to steady her while he made his way back to her lips and slipped his other hand underneath her shirt.

"Castle…" She groaned, breaking their kiss and pressing her forehead to his. "Castle, we should slow down." She breathed as he slid his hands up her sides and skimmed the edge of her bra.

"You're right, you're right." He panted, trailing his fingers back down and resting them on her hips.

She sat back slightly and brought her hand to his cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered. "For being here, for being you and following me, for not giving up on me."

"Always." He whispered, pulling her down for a soft, chaste kiss. "Always, Kate."

She buried her head in his neck and sighed as he ran his hands soothingly up her back on the outside of her shirt.

"When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?" He asked, kissing the side of her head.

"It's been awhile, Castle." She muttered, smiling against his neck and sending goosebumps shooting down his spine.

"C'mon." He said, nudging her slightly so that she scooted off his lap.

He held his hand out to her and pulled her off the couch and into his side.

"Let's get some rest." He offered, guiding her towards his room.

Kate hesitated.

"Just sleep, Kate. No funny business...unless you decide otherwise." Castle wagged his eyebrows at her and she laughed.

"Let me hold you tonight?"

Kate smiled an open, full-bodied smile at him before ducking her head and nodding.

"That sounds nice, Castle." She affirmed, leaning into his side and resting her head against his chest as they walked to his room.

He pulled back the covers for her and then excused himself to the bathroom to change. When he returned she was propped up against the headboard, waiting for him.

Castle slid into bed and Kate, without hesitation, moved down and rested her head against his chest. He kissed her forehead and brought his arms up around her. Castle held her tightly, rubbing circles on her arms until her breathing began to slow and her muscles sank against his.

"G'night, Castle." She whispered against his skin.

"Night, Kate." He answered brushing the hair back from her face and tilting her chin up to kiss her once more.

Castle stayed awake until he was sure that she was fast asleep. He closed his eyes then and let his mind drift into dreams of always.


End file.
